Above: Dacoit Surprise! Mr Pumpy, heading out of Bihar State, on the way to Calcutta.
This mode of transport (the Armoured Amphibious Assault Vehicle, at left) may confuse some, but it's highly effective on the Bombay - Calcutta axis.
It's especially effective in Bihar State, where dacoits (bandits) attempt tourist hijackings by standing on the road in front of the oncoming vehicle. Mr Pumpy calls this activity "Dacoit Surprise!" on account of how surprised they look when he keeps going.
Note: There is some seasonal fluctuation in the above areas. Results are averaged over a 12 month period.
Broadly speaking, India is divided into two distinct geographical halves, the top half and the bottom half.
The top half is crazy, whilst the bottom half is not so crazy.
Logically, then, the smart cyclist rides the South, whilst the idiot cyclist rides the North! It's rather simple.
The North: Across the northern plains, from Delhi and Bombay through to Varanasi and Calcutta, the population is super dense, the traffic is out of control and the folk are desperate for a dollar.
Bihar State (capital Patna), for example, is one of the most densely populated places on earth. The traffic is quite insane and out in the country areas, just to add to your worries, dacoits (bandits) run wild. Bihar has been called the most corrupt place on earth.
Bombay (Mumbai) is another planet, and not Mr Pumpy's idea of a leisurely ride through a fascinating landscape.
This is not to say that the North isn't fascinating. Mr Pumpy loves it, he just won't ride there. He prefers to travel the North in an AAAV.
The South: The South is a wholly more laid back experience. Less dense, less intense and with more of a purely Tamil (Dravidian) culture rather than the confusing Indo-Aryan mix up north.
The South, especially within the states of Tamil Nadu and Kerala, is effectively a different country, and one that is most of the time, easy to ride.
Study the map above, dear gentle cyclist, born of rigorous scientific study and Mr Pumpy's personal experience, and take a trip into Indian cycling bliss!